Uncertainties
by mifune
Summary: Mitsui deals with uncertainties. [MitRu, MitSen]


Disclaimer: Slam Dunk and its characters are owned by Takehiko Inoue.

Dedication: She-whom-I-cannot-name. Heh. Ah, she knows who she is. I'll tell her I wrote a fic for her anyway.

* * *

UNCERTAINTIES 

The glass door swung open, moving the dangling décor just directly above the entrance.

There he was in his heart-shattering transcendence, a blankness embodying that of paradoxical perfection ever so introducing his presence.

I sighed, finally calmed. One hour, twenty-three minutes and twelve seconds.

Until he entered.

I thought I was going to wait in this café 'til maggots start feeding on my carcass. So much for the so-called flawless date set up by my scumheads for teammates, Miyagi Ryota and Sakuragi Hanamichi, this guy sure has no sense of time for a good start.

No, I wasn't the one who suggested this 'date'. My friends were the pesky perpetrators as they were well-aware of my reserved feelings for the emotionless bloke. I wasn't intending to do anything about it, though, until one day, Sakuragi swore he saw the great Rukawa Kaede giving me those fiery looks I could melt while I was leaning on a corner of the locker room, resting after another taxing two hours of practice. I laughed it all out, of course, as Sakuragi was the least person you'd expect to heed such things. However, I was stunned when my friends began taking their pestilence to the point of actually proposing a date between him and me to Mr. Rookie-the-Great himself. Call out all the mountain gods because he actually agreed.

"Hey, Mr. Punctuality, how early for tomorrow," I called out to him in all mock cheerfulness, my statement dripping with unadulterated sarcasm.

"I overslept."

"I'm surprised," I remarked as he merely stared at me in his usual deadpan façade.

What was I thinking holding on to the most miniscule hope that this walking block of ice holds something for me too?

I motioned for him to take the seat before me.

"So…I hope Miyagi and Sakuragi didn't pester you that much."

"They didn't."

"That's good."

"Hn."

That Rukawa was never a man of words was the snag of it all. But hell, I was willing to try and take matters into my hands.

"Uh, are you hungry?"

He shook his head.

"You want to go somewhere else?"

He shook his head.

"Akagi was sadism incarnate yesterday, wasn't he? Got me so friggin' tired I almost snoozed the whole day, well, not that I could surpass your sleeping hours, of course, but, yeah, I-I…did."

Awkwardness was painstakingly dominating the ambiance, this threshold of incoherent speaking was driving me woozy and yet he still hadn't the nerve to volunteer a syllable to me.

I was on the brink of losing it.

Yet I laughed. That kind passing as a light chuckle, that one ever so indicative of the slightest hint of camaraderie.

I didn't know why I did just that, the fact that I could blow my top any minute. Defense mechanism should've been the answer but anyhow, now I could see he was a little flummoxed. At least I induced the mildest insinuation that he was alive and undoubtedly human because the frankest thing was I couldn't bear this any longer.

"Rukawa?"

"Hn."

"If I wanted to talk to myself, I would've resorted to babbling in front of the mirror and for that I wouldn't need you. But since I went out on a date with you, in which, if I may add, was something you didn't nod to by coercion if I got my facts straight, then I expect that we're going to make this a two-way process and not just me rambling about how much more pointless this can get."

I knew that was a pretty lengthy statement but I had to make him speak by hook or by crook.

Else we might as well call it a night.

"I didn't know there were so many."

Now that got me stumped. He sure has a talent for flabbergasting you out of your wits.

"Many?"

"Fujima, Kogure-sempai, Maki and the Ryonan loser."

I felt my breath got stuck in my throat. He was mentioning the very people once, or even still, linked to me somehow.

"W-what about them?"

"You know what's about them."

So this was what he was saving his saliva for?

"I've gone past that phase and, okay, I admit, I held something for these people once upon a time but…everything never really went to where it should go for all of them, if you know what I mean. I never actually went for the kill. Swear."

It was stupid to feel obligated to explain.

"Hn."

Particularly when you're just to be hn-ed at.

"Geezus, why do we talk about them? Say, why don't we shoot some hoops?" I suggested, praying to whoever was there listening that I was changing the topic just as subtly.

To my utmost relief, he actually nodded.

"One-on-one, then?"

"Yes."

And so we headed to the nearest ball court completely armed with a one-on-one proposal for a 'date'. It wasn't the sweetest thing to do but it was enough to dissipate the discomfort of lingering in the café.

We initially kept track of the score but since the game went on longer than we expected, we lost count of the goals in. I didn't know when we stopped playing. I didn't know when we lost the energy to even dribble the ball. All I knew and all I felt was this head resting on my shoulder, the owner of it long fast asleep.

And it perplexed me so much that this was the oddest date I've ever gone out in.

And it perplexed me more that I got to endure it.

…

I opened the door of my apartment and what I first saw almost made me chuck out the contents of the breakfast I just had.

Sendoh was standing right on my doorway fully equipped with that smile seemingly plastered to his face perpetually.

"Hey, Sashi!" he greeted, oozing with spryness.

"Why, it's you Akira. This is…unexpected."

Suddenly seeing him was quite a bit of a shock.

"Well, just coming by to see you. Uhm, Sashi, it's not everyday that I see you open-mouthed, marveling over my stunning good looks and unparalleled magnificence and I'd love to bask in that moment now but see, if this goes on, it might start to give my legs cramps seeing as I will have to stand here for long and wait for you to stop gaping and I know both of us won't like that to happen so care to let me in?" He gestured for the living room.

I grinned. A wordy statement from another person was just what I needed. It felt good to know that you're with someone as human and as conversational as you are.

Especially after that 'date' I had with Rukawa. I almost got used to performing a monologue.

It was hard to get over with.

"Of course, I'm sorry." I led him inside.

"So, no folks around?"

"My parents are out of the country on a business trip," I answered nonchalantly.

"Cool." He slumped down on one of the bean bags and made a grab for the remote control.

"Mind having some company today?" He looked at me expectantly.

"Linger for as long as you like."

"Great!" He beamed.

I smiled back and took my place on the couch. I noticed that his mood suddenly shifted from jaunty to pensive.

"Hey, what is it?" I queried.

"You know, my best friend Kosh throws me out every time I visit him like this." He was biting his lip slightly; his face was somber, ever so signifying that he was deep in thought.

It was actually a rather pretty sight.

I chortled lightly. "Maybe he's not a morning person," I offered.

"Yeah…but you're not so let's start our bonding!" He looked at me giddily.

He's unbelievable. So buoyant. So chatty. So different.

"Bonding? Is it what you call it now?"

"Why, of course, Sashi. Through your couch and bean bags and food and PS2 and DVDs, we're going to establish a connection. We're going to bond. Right?" He waited for me to agree.

"Of course."

So not Rukawa.

…

Sometimes, one could only wonder how a less-than-1440-minute day could pass so fast and unnoticed. It was now eight in the evening and Sendoh was preparing to leave. So far, we had triumphantly turned the house into the perfecto zoo-jungle but I was too content to mind. I had a brilliant time with him and I admit, I could very well get used to this.

"Thanks for keeping me company. I had the greatest time and I hope this won't be the last." I meant it.

"Sashi, you know I'll be more than amenable to that. God, just how much do I love leaving people's houses in disarray." We both laughed.

_And this, this is what you call a date_.

…

It left me with circles under bloodshot eyes, below standard playing performances and a petulant mood to scare off the lower years.

"Will you dumbasses get friggin' lost!" I shouted at a couple of raucous freshmen students whose noise was efficiently distracting my solo moments. Predictably, they scampered away like terrified rats.

I didn't know when exactly this began but for all its worth, my pursuit of Rukawa was faintly faltering.

And that was because of Sendoh.

Rukawa was too tough. Communication's not in his vocabulary, if he even had one, and he's agonizingly unpredictable. With him, I always had to try so hard and push myself to the limit. Sendoh, on the other hand, was offering himself on a silver platter complete with all the sidings. All I had to do was accept.

I was jilted out of my ruminations when I felt a towering presence hover over me.

"They're looking for you."

It was the least person I wanted to see.

And for the second time in my worldly subsistence, I ran away.

…

I don't exactly know how I could feel so much pain with the mere basis of running away from Rukawa. Perhaps it's because it screamed so loudly that I was an escapist. It spelt so vividly that I was one huge, ludicrous loser. And it was awfully painful to accept. Here I was again, resolving to fleeing because I was too cowardly to face a problem.

Then again, perhaps it wasn't simply about that. Perhaps the reason was unknown.

All I knew was my mind was hazy and illogical as it may be, I was hurt. Badly hurt.

I never realized it was this scathing.

…

I didn't know how exactly did I get to clear my head but nonetheless, it took me three days before I could muster the courage to go back, face the world and show them what a fool I've been.

"Mitsui, baka! Where have you been?"

"Mitsui-kun, did you get sick?"

"I went to your house and it's empty. Where were you?"

"You had us worried!"

"Gah, Mitchy, it's too early for a vacation!" And in an added whisper, "And next time, don't leave the tensai out of it, 'kay?"

I wanted to respond instantly to their questions but my priority was keen set on another matter. First things first.

I walked towards the remaining guy who wasn't expressively stating his worry. I knew they were all gawking at me but I couldn't be bothered to give a damn.

And there, in front of everyone to see, I popped it.

No, it wasn't a marriage proposal or a cheesy love confession.

"Another one-on-one?"

I waited for a long, excruciating iota of a trice for his answer.

"Yes."

And that was all I needed.

The team never fully grasped what went on but between Rukawa and me, it was a sure moment to mark.

Sendoh was a flash of confusion. He was and would always hold dear to me but he wasn't Rukawa. This block of ice, no matter how unbearable he could be, was the object of my so-called affection. I could never give up on him. As schmaltzy as it could be, I have only felt this way now and it would only be insane to let it all go.

About the dates, he could enter with another blank expression and I wouldn't mind. I could always summon the best comic out of me and strain out a smile, or a laugh, even, out of that usual straight face. It could even go on wordless and the silence would be comforting. I couldn't care less if we spend the day in the most anomalous ways just as long as we do things together. And I most certainly wouldn't mind having his head on my shoulder after every grueling ball game.

His drool could continually stain my shirt for all I care.

END

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A/N: I thought I found it kinda corny.Anyway, it was reality-based. It's not my experience, though. Hehe. 

Let me know what you think?


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